RELEASE IT!

Recently, I was trying to make a point and relay a life lesson to my kids by telling them the legendary fable of the monkey who wouldn’t let go. But by the end of the story, as I was making my point, it dawned on me that the fable was more for my benefit than theirs. The tale goes a little something like this:

In a certain village in India, there was a pesky and mischievous little monkey that was relentless in raiding goods and causing problems amongst the villagers.  After countless attempts to catch him, someone thought of a new tactic of using a large jar filled with peanuts at the bottom.  They placed the jar in an area where they were sure the monkey would go.  As expected, later that day, the monkey curiously approached the jar and eagerly reached his hand in the jar to grab the peanuts.  However, after grabbing a handful of peanuts, the monkey couldn’t remove his clenched fist, as the neck of the jar was too narrow. With his hands still clenched around his prized catch, the monkey struggled to break free from his trap. But because he refused to let go and release the peanuts he thought he couldn’t do without, the villagers staking out the scene captured him and carried him away, still clenching the bait that reeled him in.

Have you ever found yourself at times like that monkey, relentlessly refusing to release the objects of your desire and holding tightly to those things that keep you captive and trapped? The key point to remember is that the monkey was never trapped!  All he had to do was LET GO… to RELEASE the grip of his clenched fist around the object that kept him from his freedom and enjoyment of life.

Often, we are so blinded by our own desires and false perceptions that we too become trapped, enslaved by a life that is not God’s best for us. Because we refuse to release our grip on something we desperately want, we lose the freedom and abundance we were intended by God to experience and enjoy. If John 10:10 is true, that Jesus came to not only give us life but give it more abundantly, then it’s probably safe to conclude that we can’t get to the “more abundantly” part if we are busy holding on to stuff that blocks the flow of freedom and abundance that was originally designed for us.

Recently, I came upon a chapter in Anita Carmen’s book, Making Sense of Your Life, that asked another one of those profound questions that I love. The chapter title alone, “Release Plans That No Longer Work,” resonated enough with me that I immediately started taking mental note of the "stuff" I needed to release to receive God’s best and to be God’s best.  However, what caused me to stop and re-evaluate was this zinger: “The question is, when you are working with a wrong plan, will you have the courage to give it up?”

Hmmm……

Well, as fairly competent adults, we typically know when we are “working with a wrong plan.” That’s not the problem. The heart of the matter is whether or not we have the courage to give it up?

We naturally gravitate and cling to what is most familiar, even when we intellectually know it’s not what is God’s best. Even if it puts us at risk, we cling to the familiar because it has become our “safe place." We become comfortable in this safe place because at least it is predictable. We lack the confidence and faith that gives us courage to venture onto the right path, because we don't know what’s around the bend.

Our so-called safe place is only the delusion of our imagination, deceiving us into believing that although we continue along the same unproductive path we've always taken, we are "walking in faith” that change is ‘a coming.

However, we have to have the desire, courage and faith to let go and release those things (draining and unfruitful relationships, negative habits and behaviors, destructive lifestyle, corrupt thinking, entitlement mindsets, negative self perceptions, resentment, forgiveness, unrealistic expectations, the list goes on….) in order to receive something better.

Matthew 11:28-30 reminds me of this when Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

This verse reminds us to LET GO of all those things that burden us, that wear on us and give us stress, and RELEASE them to the only One who is equipped to do anything about them. For when we do release them to our Heavenly Father, then we receive in exchange His easy and light load.  

Sometimes, it’s not a wrong activity, behavior or path that we are involved in that needs to be released. As social human beings, we are relational; and most often the thing we need to release are false perceptions and unrealistic expectations from people we know. Too many times we stress out because someone didn’t respond to us in a certain way we would have desired for them to respond.  

Whether it is a spouse, parent, child, family member, friend, co-worker, pastor, church member, we have to be diligent  about RELEASING people from not doing, responding, reacting or behaving how we think they should (even when we are sure our way is the best way).  Sometimes people don’t respond in ways that make us feel validated, respected, desired, cared for, understood, wanted, needed or valued. Because of this, we allow our emotions to keep us captive, even though most of the time it is unintentional on their end. We automatically assume and make interpretations and accusations that they don’t love us, don’t like our ideas, aren’t supportive, don’t care, aren’t interested, don’t appreciate us, don’t value us... and so on. We create all kinds of stories in our heads, all because someone didn’t respond the “right” way.

We can change the course of our relationship with that person -- and even our entire life -- if we find the courage to RELEASE them from the emotional obligation we place on them. This doesn’t mean we are to be naïve and not learn from situations; it just means we don’t allow situations to consume us and emotionally keep us captive. And once we can do this, we release ourselves from the emotional torment and captivity to unfulfilled expectations that NO person will ever fulfill…at least consistently and persistently.

As mere humans, we weren’t created and designed to fulfill every emotional void or need for others. The only person designed to carry that load is our Heavenly Father who said He came to not only give life, but to give it more abundantly.   

So as tempting as it is NOT TO, we have to RELEASE ourselves from the stress, anxiety, hurt, anger, bitterness, disappointment, entitlement, expectations, fear and doubt of holding someone else accountable and responsible for our joy, peace, success and freedom in life. When we genuinely and humbly release others, we release ourselves, and then we are able to receive God’s grace, freedom, peace and abundance that He desires and freely grants.

Sometimes you might find yourself trapped by plans that no longer work, to emotions and unrealistic expectations that keep you swinging like a pendulum, or to habits and behaviors that keep you stagnant and unproductive in a place that’s less than God's best. You might be carrying a heavy load, a burden that keeps you weary, weak, never satisfied, always looking for more, but never truly finding it.  Like the monkey, you keep your hands clinched on that “prized catch” that quickly reveals itself to be bait that was a set up, used to lure you in... bait that keeps you bound to an empty attachment that ultimately keeps you emotionally, physically or spiritually captive and trapped to an area in your life that only Christ can free you from.

Remember, once we enter into His grace, we find that all along we were never trapped. And like the monkey, no matter how tightly we clench our fist, all we have to do is have the courage to... LET GO!

~ CleRenda McGrady

Jump out of the Fish Bowl and into the Sea!

I was recently talking with an associate who kept referring to certain people as having “goldfish bowl mentality.”   I didn’t quite know what it meant, although I assumed having “goldfish bowl mentality” wasn’t a positive attribute.  However, I dare not ask her to explain what it meant because I didn’t want to suddenly fall into that category! 

So instead of asking, I checked it out for myself.  Supposedly, goldfish have horrible memory! To the point that they supposedly forget what they saw the last time they circled their fish bowl.  Hence the expression, “He has a memory like a goldfish.”  If goldfish have no memory, they have no working knowledge of the past and certainly no capability to plan for the future.  Although I am clueless on how true that belief is, it does make for a thought provoking story line in the tale of “The Goldfish in the Bathtub. “ 

The tale goes something like this:

A woman decided to clean her goldfish bowl and transferred her pet goldfish into her large bathtub that was filled with a few inches of water.  Assuming the goldfish would take advantage of this new found freedom and enjoy darting back and forth from one end of the tub to the next, the woman was quite amazed at what she saw when she returned for the fish.   Instead of the goldfish eagerly lapping to and fro, the fish stayed in one corner of the tub, circling in an area no bigger than the space of the fishbowl! 

Instead of enjoying the freedom the woman made available to the fish, the fish opted to stay in his familiar territory.  

The tale captured me and provoked me to ponder.  How many times do we stay in our familiar territory?  How often do we stay in our comfort zone of what is predictable and familiar?  Like the woman who made the entire tub available for the gold fish, our Heavenly Father opens up and makes available a world of opportunity beyond what we can imagine for ourselves.  However, like the fish, we stay in our safe, comfy environment, circling, moving, and yet never arriving. 

I wonder what kept ole Goldie from venturing into what must have looked like a vast sea to him, compared to his small miniscule fish bowl?   We probably share a similar answer to that which keeps us from venturing out beyond our own comfort zones.  What keeps us from moving forward with God’s best in our lives?  What allows us to accept limits in life that keep us in our tiny and comfortable corner of the world, fearful to step beyond the imaginary boundaries where those sabotaging voices and self-defeating mindsets hold us hostage?  

I love the story of Peter in the Bible.   Peter and the other disciples were cruising along out at sea when out of nowhere, a storm interrupted their rest on the boat.  Quite naturally, they were frightened.  To add to their fright, Jesus appeared out of nowhere and walked toward them….on water! Jesus told them to not be afraid, that He was there.  Peter needed confirmation, so he requested for Jesus to call out for him.   After Jesus reached his hand out and called for Peter, Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on the water towards Jesus!   Frightened by the storms’ wind and waves, Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on the storm around him.  As soon as he took his eyes off of Jesus and onto the storm, he began to sink. 

Now, as I read that account, I smile about the many lessons and truths wrapped into this one story that is applicable to our everyday lives!  However, my focus is on Peter’s initial faith.  After Jesus caught him from sinking in the sea (and yes, He will catch us too when life’s storms get the best of us and we find ourselves sinking), He questioned Peter by asking, “You of little faith….why did you doubt?”  --Matthew 14:31

And so this same question holds true to you-- YOU of little faith, why do YOU doubt?

Getting out of our comfort zone requires FAITH and looking beyond the obstacles of fear, intimidation, rejection, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of not being equipped, being told what you couldn’t do and hindrances that falsely appear to be the obvious.  God wants us to “enlarge our territories.”  But in order to do that, like Peter did, we have to move on faith, not our feelings.  

We all want the walking on water experience, but how do we get there?  Again, like Peter, we gotta first step out of the boat in order to walk on water.  

So many times it is easy to stay “in the boat.” We know the boat. It is comfortable, predictable, safe and not intimidating. Although the boat may not be God’s best for us, we often resort there because like the goldfish, it is routine and we don’t have to operate outside of anything that may present itself as a challenge.  We don’t have to include God when we stay on the boat because we work on our own strength and out of our own abilities, without depending on His grace.  We also stay on the boat because we haven’t figured out the “How” of stepping out of it and walking on water.   However, like Peter, he didn’t know the “How” part of how he would walk on water.  He just knew that Jesus called him and that’s all that mattered.  

Just like in our lives, if we are called to do something that Jesus has appointed us to do, if our vision is one that He has planned for us, we don’t have to spin our wheels trying to figure out all the details of  “How.”  Once we know the “What” and are prepared to go forth in faith, God will work out the “How” in our lives.  We just have to step out of the boat, out of our comfy lil nests and just do it!  

(Ok, I didn’t say step into uninformed, foolish choices with no prayer or due diligence!)

So back to where I started.  After sitting still and really digesting this goldfish tale, it dawned on me that perhaps my associate really was talking about me!  (Oh NO she didn’t! snap, snap! ) Whether she was or wasn’t, it was still enough to bring awareness to myself that I had indeed been like that goldfish.  I too had been placed in a limitless land of boundless opportunity where greatness, prosperity and God’s best eagerly waited and anticipated my arrival.  Yet, I stayed on the other side of that imaginary line. Because of doubt and fear, I chose to stay circling the confined and bound corners of a space I knew best that was comfortable for me, which in reality was no bigger than a fishbowl.  I was circling fast, but going nowhere even faster.

Again, I ask, what keeps you in your comfort zone, not moving forth with God’s best?

How many of you are like that fish that has all the opportunity to make leaps and bounds in a vast sea of God’s best, but have chosen to stay in the corner of the tub circling behind that imaginary line?  Perhaps it’s a career or business move, spiritual growth, going back to school, a personal decision, a parenting decision, relocation, letting go, a relationship, ministry work or just plain overall decisions that bring about a better quality of life!  Whatever it is, which of you are ready to step out of the boat and move beyond your comfort zone, ditch the fishbowl and swim in the fullness and abundance of God’s infinite sea?   

It’s time for YOU to enlarge YOUR territory and boldly claim your “walking on water” experience!

Happy swimming,

~Blessings…

CleRenda

You Actually Already Have It

Whewww! Now that the West has won, the MVP has been honored, star-gazing has come to a halt, party goers are recovering (or still snoozing), the movers and shakers, ballers and shot-callers have long flew off in their private Gulfstream jets and the Galleria Mall is deciding if it’s safe to re-open their doors, the city of Houston is returning back to normalcy! Although us local Houstonian’s are appreciative that our city hosted this years NBA All Star and all the amazing events, we can certainly exhale as we drive downtown in “normal” traffic and are able to get to our destinations without the fear of standstill--going no where- any time soon--traffic.

One word that sums up the weekend of NBA All Star? Influence.

Yes, I know stars, celebrities, events, parties, gatherings, camaraderie, hustle and bustle are words that you thought of, and all of that is true. But yet, it all comes down to on all different levels, people using their influence to draw in others for a cause.

As I was pumping gas at an area that was very congested from all the All Star traffic, the gentleman next to me said, “Don’t I wish I had what they have. If I had just a little bit of the influence these guys in town have, I would…..”

I looked at him and smiled, continued pumping gas and soaked in his comment. By the time I had paid for the gas and was ready to pull off, his words had a chance to really resonate with me and it was as if my internal light bulb went off with the solution that popped in mind for his apparent concern. However, my fellow commuter had already disappeared into the vast sea of bumper to bumper vehicles before I could share my thoughts with him. When I thought about it, the answer to his wish was very clear! He actually DOES have the influence of “these guys in town!” And not just a little bit of it, but just as much of it! Contrary to popular belief, not only does HE have it, but I have it and YOU, Mr. and Ms. Reader, you have it too!

Unfortunately, people consider having position and influence as one in the same. What the gentleman at the gas station probably didn’t have was the position that he was coveting from the who’s who crowd in the city. However, he already has the influence, just not properly applying it.

In one of the latest books I read, “Visioneering” by Andy Stanley, he beautifully explains having a position and having influence are not necessarily the same. There is a difference. You can have a position, but not have influence. In the same token, you can have influence and not necessarily have a position.

Stanley sums it well by stating “Your influence is far more critical….than your position.” People will follow you because of your influence.

Not everyone will have the same sphere of influence. Everyone has a different assignment and a different capacity in which they are called to fulfill it. Not everyone will have an influence over the masses. Not everyone will have a public platform or global reach. Not everyone will have a household name or the appeal to win over the community. However, some of us, well actually most of us, will have a much smaller sphere of influence. Perhaps your assignment is to be the influencer at the office where you are the only cubicle that isn’t involved in drama or scandal. Maybe the influence you carry as a sports coach is to be used to make an impact in the lives of the youth that you meet with on a weekly basis. Maybe you are placed within your group of friends to be that beacon of light for those in a lonely, confused and dark world. And because it all starts with home, perhaps in this season of life, your assignment begins with influencing and impacting the lives of your children, spouse or others within your household. A statistic I heard not long ago stated that the average person will impact 10,0000 lives within their lifetime.

The bottom line is this: Our Heavenly Father gives us ALL influence. God has an assignment for all of us to complete with the influence he gives us. We all have our own separate sphere of influence that is our own territory to work. We don’t have to have a high position in life to have influence. There are many people that have high positions that don’t have an influence, or either choose not to use it for God’s glory.

The Bible reminds us that we are salt and light and that we are to “…let our light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

We can’t get caught up in the mentality of thinking “what I would do if only I had _______.” Or if I had “so and so’s” lifestyle, I could then do ________. God didn’t give us “so and so’s” lifestyle for a reason. However, He did give us our own individual lives and He watches closely how we choose to be a steward of what He has given us. And if what Andy Stanley said is true, that people will follow us because of our influence, then we must be diligent with asking ourselves, “Who is following Me?” and better yet, “Why?”

In leadership expert Pat Williams latest book, “The Difference You Make,” he says, “we all have influence, we all have an impact on the people around us and we have all been shaped and impacted by the influencers in our own lives.”

So with that in mind, do we sit in regret like the gentleman at the gas station, wishing he had the influence of others? Or do we recognize and appreciate gifts, talents and assignments that God has given us, and boldy go forth to influence and impact a very thirsty world that yearns for the Living Water that you have to give?

Who are you influencing? Who is influencing you?

Blessings & Happy Influencing,

~ CleRenda